Over the Wall

I have discovered that remembering and redefining goals is an invaluable journey. I was prompted to do so the other day after talking to my sister that lives out of town. We were exchanging those casual inquiries, yet somehow they churned the deep arguments of the soul.

It got me to thinking about the things that I want to do, and the things that stop me from doing them.

I am terribly afraid of falling. Being in a tall building or on a mountain doesn't frighten me much. But if I have to jump, I absolutely just.can't.do.it. People assuredly tell me, "once you do it you'll think it was so silly to have been hesitant and scared". So I'll jump, and be assured it will take a couple years for me to ever try it again. Loss of control, predictability, and certainty that I will land safely is to high a price for a momentary feeling of the wind through my hair. I'd rather just roll down the window in my car.

When it comes to doing something new and unknown, I get this exact same burning and turning in my stomach. I feel like a foolish butterfly tugging at the rope of wishful thinking, so firmly tied to an anchor of impossibility.

Then this verse came to me:

"For by You I can run against a troop, By my God I can leap over a wall." (Psalm 18:29)

This prompted me to define the walls that hold me back, and more importantly, the walls I wanted to leap over. 

The Berlin Wall was constructed mid-1961 and it wasn't until late-1989 that it came down. I was only two years old at that time, but to have understood the beauty of this would have been amazing. My dad says he remembers where he was, that feeling of joy and excitement for those who could finally experience freedom. Unfortunately, we don't have to look too far to see similar walls around us today.

Yes, We've all had our peeks beyond our current circumstances, and talked about the glorious times they were. I just want more than a glimpse.

I'm tired of walking and playing beside walls.  

More than all this, I am so overwhelmingly glad that I don't have to do it all myself. I faced the truth long ago: My 5'2" stature can't gracefully leap over any obstacle. And the rest of me has just as much trouble getting to where I most want to go.

So I hold on to this- "by my God I can leap over a wall."

I love the celebrations that happen on the other side of a wall. And I can't wait for more of them.