04.27.12

I babysat a lot through jr. high, highschool, and college. Parents really liked telling me they were providing me with the best type of birth control. Surely after being around their kids for five or six hours I would do anything to prevent getting some of my own. I always thought to myself, “I think not having sex is the best type of birth control.” That, and I was pretty convinced I would be a better parent [I still think that about some people].

Several years have now passed and I am carrying in my womb a little orange-sized baby that in 25 [short] weeks will be here as a permanent addition to our lives. Now the reality of parenting is a bit closer than in my jr. high days and I stare bug eyed at children in a frenzied fit at grocery stores and parks. The fluffy white cloud of “being a better parent” dissolved from my mind the moment our little poppyseed-sized baby was discovered. The parent is not always at fault. More often it’s this wonderful thing called stubborn will, of which there is no lack from this mommy and daddy. [help me lord.]

Life’s changes seem a lot scarier when they come out of the blurried background of ideals and into the focused reality of today.

Things with the house have been a similar situation. About two months ago we put an offer in on a gorgeous 1905, four bedroom, two bathroom house on the south hill. It’s a short sale, meaning the bank still has a big loan on the house, and they are the ones who have to approve our offer. Short sale means you’re paying less than what it’s worth, and the process is anything but fast. Because two banks have loans on it, we knew it could take up to six months to hear back. Once our offer is accepted we'll have a home inspector check things out, but up until the last week I’ve felt incredibly nervous. I kept thinking about being there that first winter with a newborn, and the furnace going out, and not being able to afford repairs. I’m dramatic and imagine some pretty ridiculous scenarios, but this seemed pretty credible, and very scary to me.

A friend and I were talking last week and as we were outside enjoying the sunshine, the goodness and faithfulness of God clicked in a new way. With snow coming down in April, I thought spring would never come. I thought I would be wearing my big winter coat for the rest of my life. Then all of the sudden, it just changed. Faithfulness is one of my favorite attributes of God. It reminds me to breathe deeply, and enjoy whatever struggle or joy I am in, because it won't be forever.

Most of all, I love knowing that God never gives us more than we can handle.