Pregnancy is a strange and wonderful thing. Strange, because my body is definitely no longer my own. And wonderful because I am full of wonder at the ever-changing emotions and physical body of the one being pregnant. Thankfully the nausea seems to be done with (as long as I eat every two or three hours). As for the various other physical changes, they have been making themselves evident. To the common eye, there is no baby bump, but I can feel the hard swelling of my abdomen, and it amazes me.
Right now, the physical discomfort and inability to sleep through the night are nothing compared to the vast ocean of emotions I've been tossed in. There is a part of me that cannot wait to meet our little one, and there is a part that is overwhelmed by the unknown. It's the usual fears of not being a patient mother, going insane from sleep-deprivation, and the unexpected costs and bills. But most of all I feel overwhelmed with a fear that we are in over our heads. I keep straining my eyes to see where the road we are on is heading, but it seems God isn't too concerned with us knowing those things, but rather knowing that He is good and has everything under control. It sounds like a good enough plan, but my heart isn't so convinced. I've been known to break into tears without explanation, but the last few weeks this skill has developed to a level I never thought possible. The tales of pregnant-woman sobbing fits had seemed humorous to me before, but they are now my reality. All those settled sediments of doubt about who I am and why I am here have now surfaced and my hormones have heightened to their middle-school levels.
While all of this might sound like one grand complain-and-rant-fest, I have this to say:
All the surfacing of emotions has caused me to see again the dreams and passions of my heart that I had put away.
I'm being forced to decide if I want to trust in my own efforts, or put my faith in something greater.
The miracle of growing and carrying a life has already exceeded every expectation.
I've never been so thankful and felt so blessed by the husband, family, and friends I am surrounded by.
This song has been playing in my heart,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
C.
&baby
While all of this might sound like one grand complain-and-rant-fest, I have this to say:
All the surfacing of emotions has caused me to see again the dreams and passions of my heart that I had put away.
I'm being forced to decide if I want to trust in my own efforts, or put my faith in something greater.
The miracle of growing and carrying a life has already exceeded every expectation.
I've never been so thankful and felt so blessed by the husband, family, and friends I am surrounded by.
This song has been playing in my heart,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
C.
&baby
Hang in there beautiful girl! If it's any consolation, I have also been super emotional recently in the face of much future-related uncertainty. You are not alone!
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