Fall or Be Fallen On

I hate falling. I hate the feeling of falling. I hate the feeling I get in my feet when I'm standing on the edge and with just a tiny slip, I could fall. It doesn't matter if it's two feet into pool, ten feet into a lake, or thirty feet onto concrete. I get that feeling in my feet, and I hate it. I hate it in movies when people are balancing on edges or barely hanging on to ledges. I get that sensation in my feet for them.

I openly confess to this fear. I have climbed down cliffs and the ladders of high dives- in front of dozens of people. The falling is never worth it, taking the laughter and embarrassment is an easy alternative.

So when I read this verse today, I gasped.

Luke 20:18

Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder.

Hold up. 

I'm supposed to fall? It is better to fall than to be stable?  

I remember a song from years back,

 I don't know if it's a kid song, or if it is just from the '90s so it sounds kiddish.

"you better fall on the rock, or the rock's gonna fall on you" 

I had no idea what that meant when I sang it and I still think it's a funny song. 

But as I've been mulling over this verse, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea.

I could talk for miles and miles about the ridiculous expectations put on modern women to be strong, individualistic, and independent. And I could talk for another couple hundred miles about how much I love having a husband, family, and friends to lean on. The key here is lean on, not fall apart on- that is never fun. 

Pious it may sound, but I don't like falling apart on God much either. I'd rather be...marching forth into a great battle. No, I hate gore... Just let me be something more stable, more deserving, more honoring. 

But some days I just need to fall. Not because of emotional unbalance [though that does occur on occasion]. The reason I most often need to fall on the rock, is because of how easy it is to think that I am the tougher substance, and that I can keep things together on my own. And the thing about this type of falling- it actually feels good. 

[You don't have to try and convince me, I've tried both, and I hate the other kind.]

I have a little bit of prose I wrote a few years back when the Mr. and I were just a couple of fools in love. I already shared it here, if you'd care to read.

I hope you will join me in the letting go and falling.

It really is better this way.