Angsty Anxiousness

Anxiousness always gets the better of me. In part, the responsibility lies with the fact that a little life is growing inside me. There's a natural anticipation and excitement that comes with pregnancy. Something's coming and it will change everything, but there is only so much one can do to prepare for the change. And so anxiousness. It wakes me in the night, with the urge to get up and get somewhere. It challenges me in the day, to remain present and loving. The regular self-centered Carrie wants to yell, "doesn't the world know I have so much to do and to figure out!". And sometimes I literally do yell, but most of the time it's more coy. Death glares, short attention spans, rushing around picking up the random bits of life that have scattered everywhere.

But then pausing. Not just sitting still, even then my breathing feels quick and my mind runs off a to-do list. Deep. Breathing. Focusing. Thinking on love, on goodness. All that valuable advice that the Lord has given over and over to my striving soul.

Be anxious for nothing.
A heart at peace gives life to the body.
Be still and know that He is God.
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

What nice words written by human hands.

Yet today I challenge myself to not just know those words, but to let them be known- in my heart and in the outworkings of my life. It's a hard, grueling battle that we wage against our minds- convincing a stubborn soul to believe that which is the opposite of our nature.

But I do have all this anxious energy, and this wonderful world around me to enjoy.

For those wondering, for the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.