October 10, 2014

Mommy-ed Out



Sometimes the "mom" hours of my life tick by so slowly I feel like I'm not cut out for this job. I'm one child into this mommy business and my patience doesn't seem to be expanding, but evaporating more quickly. The little hands grabbing to be pulled up into my arms are sweet, but so exhausting. It's  a high intensity workout, trying to focus on deep breaths so I don't notice the pain of my own selfishness being worked and worn thin.


Grace grace. That's what they tell you when your tired body is sagging and your spirit feels crushed beneath the weight of one child growing inside and another child's will growing outside. You can do it. Sure, but when I find myself on the other side will I still have my sanity and dreams alive? Again, I'm only one child into this.


Loving is so easy when the other half is giving, but a lot of days it's hard to find their giving and only see their needing. The gifts we do receive more often look like clothes that never fit our bodies right and coffee that got cold. Marker somehow on our arms and heartburn and back pain. Those aren't the gifts you'll find on many wish lists this holiday season.


But we can't carry on in an attitude that is fraught with negativity. I'm so thankful for nap times, for a momentary quiet even if it takes some wrestling and crying to get there. Today we both cried. We cried because we don't understand what it is we truly need and how to get there. I'd like a giant piece of chocolate cake, but I think a gentle reminder that there's greater strength available would be a more lasting help. She wants crackers and markers but the crackers keep breaking and the markers keep ending up on her face.


We need a pause. We need to refrain from our worked up emotions and space to see that there is plenty of room for us to find peace.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

9 comments:

  1. UnknownOctober 11, 2014 at 9:48 AM

    I feel your pain. Just remember that 9 months will be over before you know it. God knew that was as long as we could handle. I will pray for you. It will get less tiring when baby us born. Your body can rest then. God bless!

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  2. ColleenOctober 11, 2014 at 9:56 AM

    Oh I have certainly been there. I have three, and I don't consider myself a "kid person" so the patience was thin to begin with. They are school-age now, and I love this stage of their lives. I love their little (big, actually) personalities and interests. But I do NOT miss the younger years when they couldn't be reasoned with. You will get through it, but just acknowledge that this isn't your favorite part of parenting, and keep your eyes on the prize - which is a beautiful family.Great post!

    -Colleen @ 58 Water Street

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    1. UnknownOctober 11, 2014 at 2:43 PM

      Yes, I knew before we had kids that this would be a really challenging stage for me. The flailing and random outburst are rough, but we're learning how to better communicate with each other. And she is pretty darn adorable for the most part. :)

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  3. faith ann raiderOctober 11, 2014 at 9:58 AM

    First of all - I want you to know. One child is the hardest of all. It's the hugest transition and the most boring yet exhausting season. Two is tough at the beginning but you adjust and eventually they can keep each other company. I hear a lot of moms say "if I'm struggling this much with just this one how much more will I struggle with more kids?!!" But it's just not true. It doesn't necessarily get harder with more children, it's just more. More dishes and laundry and bad attitudes and laughter and hugs and smiles and helping hands... You are going to do great. You're going to need a lot of grace but you've already been through some of the hardest stuff... :)

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    1. UnknownOctober 11, 2014 at 2:41 PM

      Thanks Faith, that's really encouraging. I come from a family of seven kids and I am amazed at my mom. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

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  4. GLENDA CHILDERSOctober 11, 2014 at 11:44 AM

    Yes, I remember those days, too.

    I always like to encourage younger moms with the look into your future, when your kids are grown (like mine) and bring me really fun presents. :)

    Many sweet blessing on your long days, dear mom.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

    31 dayer

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  5. Naphtali October 13, 2014 at 7:40 PM

    A friend of mine once told me that, with each new child comes the miracle of God's grace expanded. She was right. Strangely, I feel the same level of burnout with three that I did with one. Seems like it would grow beyond my capacity to bear it. But it doesn't. Motherhood santicfies for sure:)

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