Five Minute Free Write

Oh good golly gee,

What a thing to be

Stuck on a phrase

For infinite days

Learning that living

Isn't always giving

But taking the breath

That will lead to the rest

From the stopping and going

All the hitting and throwing

Must.

End.

Here.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Steadfast

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

His patience I can't get over, tenderness I can't comprehend. All my rough edges smoothed over by His endless grace. He can't stop, won't stop, chasing and loving my soul.

For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Enough

I will never have enough, be enough, give enough, know enough. Enough is ever-expanding, that infinity we always talked about as kids. It daunts us with its un-definabilty and vastness, calls us to venture on eternally. Wearisome journey to take, terrifying destination to arrive at- to come to enough and settle there for the rest of our days.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Day Eleven

Formalizing words with actions
Laying down distractions
Eyes must keep from straying
True message of love relaying

These moments so tender
Our Creator did render
To hold close as a prize
If only we'll realize

Tomorrow will come
Slower for others than some
For us, we can convey
Messages of thankfulness for today

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I have a difficult relationship with around-the-world-awareness. I love being brought out of my bubble, seeing how others live, and thus challenged to live a life more full. Yet it's easy to get carried away, losing the fine line between a safe learning experience, and having fear, guilt, and depression.

As with all difficult things these days I'm choosing thankfulness, peace, and to be stirred to love deeper and more true.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Mommy-ed Out

Sometimes the "mom" hours of my life tick by so slowly I feel like I'm not cut out for this job. I'm one child into this mommy business and my patience doesn't seem to be expanding, but evaporating more quickly. The little hands grabbing to be pulled up into my arms are sweet, but so exhausting. It's  a high intensity workout, trying to focus on deep breaths so I don't notice the pain of my own selfishness being worked and worn thin.

Grace grace. That's what they tell you when your tired body is sagging and your spirit feels crushed beneath the weight of one child growing inside and another child's will growing outside. You can do it. Sure, but when I find myself on the other side will I still have my sanity and dreams alive? Again, I'm only one child into this.

Loving is so easy when the other half is giving, but a lot of days it's hard to find their giving and only see their needing. The gifts we do receive more often look like clothes that never fit our bodies right and coffee that got cold. Marker somehow on our arms and heartburn and back pain. Those aren't the gifts you'll find on many wish lists this holiday season.

But we can't carry on in an attitude that is fraught with negativity. I'm so thankful for nap times, for a momentary quiet even if it takes some wrestling and crying to get there. Today we both cried. We cried because we don't understand what it is we truly need and how to get there. I'd like a giant piece of chocolate cake, but I think a gentle reminder that there's greater strength available would be a more lasting help. She wants crackers and markers but the crackers keep breaking and the markers keep ending up on her face.

We need a pause. We need to refrain from our worked up emotions and space to see that there is plenty of room for us to find peace.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

A Place of Knowing

As I've finished my first week of "31 Days" I've realized there are places where writing is natural and flows easily, places where I feel known. My first pick would be on a warm beach with a cool breeze. That doesn't happen very often, but luckily I'm inspired by most any cozy place. Lately it's the couch by my front window. We can get some amazing sunset views and there's an assortment of deciduous trees for the sun to make its last glow upon.

A change of scenery always sparks new inspiration in me. With my random bursts of nesting energy I've been working on a room in our basement where I can relax and write. Somewhere away from the toys and dishes and unswept floors. A place for me to be known, not distracted by knowing. It's nothing pretty yet, but I've been gathering various sentimental objects to create an atompmosphere of cozy.

That's another thing I've realized as I finish up Day Nine- I'm greatly inspired by sentimentality. Looking through old pictures and writings sparks a warmth of love in my heart that almost always leads to creating.

Right now this desk in the centerpiece of my sentimental cozy. It was at my grandparents ever since I remember and it was always a favorite of mine. I was recently able to "inherit" it and it still holds all the magic I remember.

For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

27 Weeks Along, 3 Months to Go

My stomach is queasy and my head feels like a 10lb bag of flour. It's truly amazing how the body transforms to bear another life, but today I want to curl up and sleep away all the uncomfortable growings of a miracle.

Today I started the last week of my second trimester and I'm exactly three months from my due date. For the sake of my mental well-being I think of my due date as a rough estimate, preparing to be late so if I'm early or on my due date it's a pleasant surprise. Although my mind knows the most tiring weeks are still coming, my body already wants to give up.

Some days are filled with excitement for the things in store, and others all I can see are the obstacles that need to be overcome. Basic human nature.

So can I rest in weariness today- leave preparing, working, believing for another day? Bake cookies and pretend the world outside my door is warm and gentle. This world surely doesn't rest from creating messes, but my eyes will close now and my heart will still.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Day Seven

The light this time of year kills me. From my couch by the corner window of my house I sit and look out, amazed at how perfect those yellowing leaves look against a bright blue sky. It's all so effortless, so humbly glorious. It inspires me to live not toiling or striving, but present. Willing to let the brightness of the Son shine on me, and a crisp breeze of the Spirit blow through my bones. It's that "smiles at the future" attitude I desire. Not begging for change, not holding onto yesterday's season- a heart at peace with the blooming and the dying, the blossoming and the fading.

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

-ING

Shepherded to fields of dreaming
Flowers blooming colorful
To the sun extending
Scents of awakening tender
Humble passion for seeing
Tomorrow becoming greater
Ourselves wholly givinig
Breath and life sacrificing
Freshening our days
With steadfast hoping
Un-callused hands holding
Truth making kind
Gracious beauty in waiting
For hearts to be re-beating

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Pause

Garden offers a harvest of weeds
Once inspired projects pile on counters
But today there is sun to soak up
Books to be lost in
Most of all a child to watch blissfully play
Dumping water on patio, lawn, self
For today that is all I need
That is what completes.

Soul's tendency is to wander
Such a bright, sparkling world attracts
Wires cross this way and that
We wonder where the wonder went
Hidden under hurried days
Tucked behind worried thoughts
Waiting for a heart to be stilled
Pause, breath deep, and enjoy.

Maybe I cheated on this one. I wrote it a while ago and kept coming back to it but it didn't feel ready. Today not being 100% "ready" is okay with me.

I'm often reminded of this re-prioritizing, as are many moms- really any of us that live busy lives. Re-discovering the wonder and peace in life is what this project is all about so I thought it deserved for me to finally hit the "publish" button.

Through each post and re-discovery I'm struck by how simple it is. Simple, but not easy.

For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

A Moment On a Saturday.

Whispering wonder in all her wishful ways.

Dashes of dreaming to dissipate darkness. 

Fearsome feelings forever forward focused.

And I sit here waiting for the timer to buzz.

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For those wondering, for the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Transplanting Grace

My husband gave me two low-maintenance house plants for Valentine's Day and in the last 10 months I've slowly added to my collection. I am by no means a gardener and the emphasis is on low maintenance. But I love them. I love the vibrance they bring to the room and I've been surprised to find caring for them is a calm nurturing outlet. I'm also surprised they're all still alive. I recently transplanted one to a bigger pot and I think I did something wrong. It's not dead, but the branches and leaves fall off if I lightly touch them. It got me thinking about where I've been at lately- not dead, not fruitless, just weak and fragile.

My body is expanding both physically and emotionally as I grow this little life, and there are some new "pots" I'm being planted into. It's left me feeling weak, tired, and generally coming-up-short. Of course there is a natural fragility and weariness that comes with the unstable hormone levels, but I believe God uses the circumstances of our lives to speak to us and to grow us.

It's too easy to see the branches falling off and think we're missing something, doing something wrong, but today I feel at peace with leaving things behind. I want to embrace the transplanting of life. There are overwhelming unknowns and challenges we face, and even greater ones coming. But I am known by God. My heart, my weaknesses, fears and needs, my dreams and the cloudiness I often feel surrounds them. They might not be met or fulfilled, but they are known, and today that's enough.

So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

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For those wondering, for the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

Angsty Anxiousness

Anxiousness always gets the better of me. In part, the responsibility lies with the fact that a little life is growing inside me. There's a natural anticipation and excitement that comes with pregnancy. Something's coming and it will change everything, but there is only so much one can do to prepare for the change. And so anxiousness. It wakes me in the night, with the urge to get up and get somewhere. It challenges me in the day, to remain present and loving. The regular self-centered Carrie wants to yell, "doesn't the world know I have so much to do and to figure out!". And sometimes I literally do yell, but most of the time it's more coy. Death glares, short attention spans, rushing around picking up the random bits of life that have scattered everywhere.

But then pausing. Not just sitting still, even then my breathing feels quick and my mind runs off a to-do list. Deep. Breathing. Focusing. Thinking on love, on goodness. All that valuable advice that the Lord has given over and over to my striving soul.

Be anxious for nothing.
A heart at peace gives life to the body.
Be still and know that He is God.
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

What nice words written by human hands.

Yet today I challenge myself to not just know those words, but to let them be known- in my heart and in the outworkings of my life. It's a hard, grueling battle that we wage against our minds- convincing a stubborn soul to believe that which is the opposite of our nature.

But I do have all this anxious energy, and this wonderful world around me to enjoy.

For those wondering, for the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

31 Days of Writing - 31 Days of Knowing

There’s a deep divide in my soul between wanting to know, and aching to be known. I don’t need a ten-year life plan, or a certainty that my curly hair will come back and my body will survive unscathed from childbirth & babies. My mind feels scrambled-overwhelmed, wondering if I’m doing this parenting thing right, and how to balance spontaneity, budgets, discipline, and loving. Contentment is a hard place to find, that’s a no-brainer. But I know where it comes from- in being known. At the base or top of mountains, it doesn't matter which, if we are known, we are at peace. Five hundred friends, followers, or fans isn't the goal. If there is one who can see (and still love) our soul, everything else quiets and we can be.

It's an exhausting tension we live in, urged to know and master life, but in it all to honor simplicity and being. I've realized how much it affects my daily life- thought processes, priorities, communication. To be worn thin by it is normal, but not necessary. There's a crazy belief I carry that embracing the two together can push us further than if we only lived with one- Knowing & Being Known.

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Writing has been difficult lately, not because of business or boredom. It's a lack of discipline and value. Accepting that it's okay to say the same thing twice, not always have the perfect perspective, most of all to not know who I am as a writer. So this will be a month of exploring. Some days will be short blurbs, and others cluttered and clumsy. But my hope is that in the wandering I'll find peace with being known, even in the midst of the unknown.

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For the month of October I am participating in the 31 Days Writing Challenge put on by the lovely Myquillyn Smith of The Nesting Place. Read about it and find other bloggers here.

And the rest of my posts-

Day Two: Angsty Anxiousness
Day Three: Transplanting Grace
Day Four: A Moment On a Saturday
Day Five: Pause
Day Six: -ING
Day Seven: Day Seven
Day Eight: 27 Weeks Along, 3 Months to Go
Day Nine: A Place of Knowing
Day Ten: Mommy-ed Out
Day Eleven: Day Eleven