April 27, 2012


I babysat a lot through jr. high, highschool, and college. Parents really liked telling me they were providing me with the best type of birth control. Surely after being around their kids for five or six hours I would do anything to prevent getting some of my own. I always thought to myself, “I think not having sex is the best type of birth control.” That, and I was pretty convinced I would be a better parent [I still think that about some people].
Several years have now passed and I am carrying in my womb a little orange-sized baby that in 25 [short] weeks will be here as a permanent addition to our lives. Now the reality of parenting is a bit closer than in my jr. high days and I stare bug eyed at children in a frenzied fit at grocery stores and parks. The fluffy white cloud of “being a better parent” dissolved from my mind the moment our little poppyseed-sized baby was discovered. The parent is not always at fault. More often it’s this wonderful thing called stubborn will, of which there is no lack from this mommy and daddy. [help me lord.]
Life’s changes seem a lot scarier when they come out of the blurried background of ideals and into the focused reality of today.
Things with the house have been a similar situation. About two months ago we put an offer in on a gorgeous 1905, four bedroom, two bathroom house on the south hill. It’s a short sale, meaning the bank still has a big loan on the house, and they are the ones who have to approve our offer. Short sale means you’re paying less than what it’s worth, and the process is anything but fast. Because two banks have loans on it, we knew it could take up to six months to hear back. Once our offer is accepted we'll have a home inspector check things out, but up until the last week I’ve felt incredibly nervous. I kept thinking about being there that first winter with a newborn, and the furnace going out, and not being able to afford repairs. I’m dramatic and imagine some pretty ridiculous scenarios, but this seemed pretty credible, and very scary to me.
A friend and I were talking last week and as we were outside enjoying the sunshine, the goodness and faithfulness of God clicked in a new way. With snow coming down in April, I thought spring would never come. I thought I would be wearing my big winter coat for the rest of my life. Then all of the sudden, it just changed. Faithfulness is one of my favorite attributes of God. It reminds me to breathe deeply, and enjoy whatever struggle or joy I am in, because it won't be forever.
Most of all, I love knowing that God never gives us more than we can handle.

April 24, 2012

Well hello there

Post have been somewhat few and far between these days.We've been busy with this and that [I say this and that because I really can't really remember what we've been doing]. I know that I've tried to sit down and write, but my brain feels all over the place. Energy has returned to my body, but without asking my opinion it's carrying me everywhere, catching up on some things and starting other things. I feel like one of those spin art contraptions at the fair. My weeks are zooming around and around, while I'm taking what life throws at me and hoping that in my chaos I'll create something beautiful. Just the fact that it is no longer tax season will help me get a better grip on my days and allow me to take breath at work. There will still be projects, but [hallelujah!] not 20 calls a day with people complaining and asking ridiculous questions. Hopefully my faith in the human race will also return to me.

In other [more exciting] news, Max and I leave in 5 days for Cali! I think this might be the biggest culprit in the case of my scattered brain. The last couple weeks I haven't been able to think of much else. For many people a simple 4 day getaway would be nothing too exciting. But for me, the simple fact that I am getting on a airplane and leaving the northwest is a joyous occasion. It's been almost 4 years since I've been on a plane, and for someone who's greatest joy is foreign adventures, that's quite incredible.
We don't have much on the agenda other than walks and reading by the ocean, window shopping, yummy food, and the San Diego zoo. I've heard a lot of moms and dads say they wish they would've had one last little getaway before they had kids, and so we are doing just that. It's not Paris or Hawaii, and it won't be 80degrees, but there will be palm trees instead of pine trees. It's a new place with my husband. That's enough for me.

Here's a few snapshots to highlight the last couple weeks
[for those of you who don't read, but just skim through for pictures]

[Band Time]
We just finished all the tracking for our next ep.
And had a fun little outdoor [aka kinda cold and not very many people] show in Moscow.
[Neighborhood Strolls]
What wonderful weather we had this weekend...
&My husband is the best.
[New hat]
I look a bit gypsy/cowgirl-ish.
But I'm alright with it.
I've tried taking pictures of "the bump", 
but right now it just looks like I've been eating a lot of milkshakes.
Which I haven't.
Too much.

love to you all.


April 6, 2012


During my time overseas with Gateways Beyond I received some incredible teachings on the book of Romans. I have recently felt prodded to remind myself of those and dig back into this powerful testament of Paul’s.

It doesn't take a bible scholar to see that Romans 9, 10, and 11 are directly related to Israel and her calling. But like any portion of the scriptures, there is depth and wisdom available that even the most well-learned scholar has never reached.

I have said it before, but I am not so impressed with fancy words or “eureka” revelations. I love raw sincerity, honesty, and passion. Venturing into the ninth chapter of Romans, the gut-wrenching is off to a quick start.

I am telling the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience testifies with me in the Holy Spirit, that I have great sorrow and unceasing grief in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed, separated from Christ for the sake of my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh, who are Israelites, to whom belongs the adoption as sons, and the glory and the covenants and the giving of the Law and the temple service and the promises, whose are the fathers, and from whom is the Christ according to the flesh, who is over all, God blessed forever. Amen.

Self-preservation has now rushed to the surface and demands that I think about these things reasonably. Cut off from Christ? Yet I am unable to breeze past Paul’s extreme anguish and compassion- His life bears too much evidence of the brokenness of his heart.

It isn’t uncommon to hear a message on evangelism or compassion for the lost. However these aren’t the verses usually referenced at a Sunday morning church service or Wednesday night youth meeting. I don’t mean for that statement to be a stab at the church, but an invitation to journey deep, to the uncomfortable.


Today is Passover, and I believe it is the most important time of the year. If you’ve never had the privilege of learning about this celebration, I highly recommend you do. It’s not just about what God did when He brought the Israelites out of Egypt, or what Jesus did on the cross, it’s a sneak peak at what He wants to do in us today, and in the generations to come. I look forward to celebrating the Passover Seder tonight.

I also highly recommend you read this article.

Chag Sameach!