March 27, 2012


Pregnancy is a strange and wonderful thing. Strange, because my body is definitely no longer my own. And wonderful because I am full of wonder at the ever-changing emotions and physical body of the one being pregnant. Thankfully the nausea seems to be done with (as long as I eat every two or three hours). As for the various other physical changes, they have been making themselves evident. To the common eye, there is no baby bump, but I can feel the hard swelling of my abdomen, and it amazes me.

Right now, the physical discomfort and inability to sleep through the night are nothing compared to the vast ocean of emotions I've been tossed in. There is a part of me that cannot wait to meet our little one, and there is a part that is overwhelmed by the unknown. It's the usual fears of not being a patient mother, going insane from sleep-deprivation, and the unexpected costs and bills. But most of all I feel overwhelmed with a fear that we are in over our heads. I keep straining my eyes to see where the road we are on is heading, but it seems God isn't too concerned with us knowing those things, but rather knowing that He is good and has everything under control. It sounds like a good enough plan, but my heart isn't so convinced. I've been known to break into tears without explanation, but the last few weeks this skill has developed to a level I never thought possible. The tales of pregnant-woman sobbing fits had seemed humorous to me before, but they are now my reality. All those settled sediments of doubt about who I am and why I am here have now surfaced and my hormones have heightened to their middle-school levels.

While all of this might sound like one grand complain-and-rant-fest, I have this to say:
 All the surfacing of emotions has caused me to see again the dreams and passions of my heart that I had put away.
I'm being forced to decide if I want to trust in my own efforts, or put my faith in something greater.
The miracle of growing and carrying a life has already exceeded every expectation.
I've never been so thankful and felt so blessed by the husband, family, and friends I am surrounded by.

This song has been playing in my heart,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. 


March 21, 2012

Treats For Me, Treats For You

I've been in the mood to bake lately. But I don't think I can attribute this to the pregnancy, it's just the plain fact that I love treats! What I can say about being pregnant is that I realize how quickly we live our lives. Max and I have the tendency to jam-pack our days and weeks, and before we know it they're gone. There are so many books I want to read and recipes I want to try, and it really bothers me that I don't do these things more. So the next 7 months I want to focus on doing "me things". All the little things that bring me joy and satisfaction. It doesn't take a few dozen moms telling me to know that my life is going to change in a very big way. And the little "me things" get put on the bottom of a very long list of to-dos. [Luckily I love things like snuggling little babies and kissing their soft cheeks.]

In the meantime, here are some treats I've tried and highly recommend you try as well!
[I'm horrible at taking pictures of things I make, so the recipe pics will just have to do.] 

 These I made the other night for some friends. They were absolutely delicious, but very rich. I did a half recipe for the four of us, and I think I could have easily divided them up for six. Next time I do them I think I might add a little extra chocolate something on top. Very peanut buttery, and very good.

 These I made for a light breakfast. It really helps with the nausea to eat something in the morning, but at the same time I don't like eating early in the morning. I've been getting bored with toast and english muffins, so these are just the ticket. They don't have a really strong flavor, but they are delicious. And when they're fresh out of the oven they melt in your mouth. I would say they are more similar to coffee cake than your traditional muffin. Next time I bake them I'm going to add a dash of cinnamon to the batter instead of just in the topping. But I'm big fan of cinnamon.

 These aren't sweet, but they're yummy. Unfortunately I was too inpatient and should have let them rise longer because mine didn't turn out very fluffy. I know that was my error.

Well I guess that's it for now. 
Feel free to share any of your favorite recipes!

March 13, 2012


I feel that I should apologize for my lack of blog posts over the last month.
And then I think about everything that has been going on-

One of the most exciting events of our lives has transpired over the last few weeks.
We have discovered that there is a little babe growing in my belly!
People ask if it was "planned",  and in the eyes of God, most definitely.
And that is more than enough for us.
We had felt for a little while that the adventure of parenthood was just around the corner,
so we surrendered our worries and ideas, and let God do whatever He wanted.
We feel so blessed that God has decided to entrust us with this little one.

I saw a card like this on a blog and thought it' d be a fun way to tell our friends and family.
So I made our own little version.

Last Wednesday we had our first doctor's appointment and got to have an ultrasound.
Here's our first shot of the little guy/gal-
I can tell already it's gonna be a cutie.

Max and I have decided it makes all the difference in the world to have a doctor who you feel comfortable with. Ours was so calm and reassuring about everything. I've heard a lot of moms talk about pressures and concerns their doctor unnecessarily put on them. But I felt that ours lifted those off and released us to be excited and celebrate this joyous miracle.

As for the event of pregnancy, or as I like to say "growing a baby"- holy smokes. I didn't doubt the tales and woes of pregnant mommies. But they have now moved from the "stories" category to the "reality" category. Morning sickness is a lie. It's all day, and middle of the night sickness. So far no throwing up, but some days I think it might make me feel better. The worst part of it all is the exhaustion. I got a cold around 5 weeks so my energy level was -700. No fun at all. But whenever the sun manages to come out, it makes a world of difference.

Oh, and did I mention that in the midst of this excitement Max and I have been started the process of buying a house? Before we knew about the baby [but right about the time we got pregnant] we decided we would give it a go and see what happend. We were so surprised when everything went through for a decent enough home loan and just put an offer in on a house last week. It could take months to hear back from the banks that have to approve our offer, but if it's the right house it will work out. And in the meantime we're still looking around to see if something better pops up. With a little baby on the way and the market so buyer-friendly, it seemed foolish to not take this step. Though it can be pretty overwhelming to think about.

All in all, I would say we are in the midst of some exciting times.
And prayer is absolutely of the essence!


March 6, 2012

Fall or Be Fallen On

I hate falling. I hate the feeling of falling. I hate the feeling I get in my feet when I'm standing on the edge and with just a tiny slip, I could fall. It doesn't matter if it's two feet into pool, ten feet into a lake, or thirty feet onto concrete. I get that feeling in my feet, and I hate it. I hate it in movies when people are balancing on edges or barely hanging on to ledges. I get that sensation in my feet for them.

I openly confess to this fear. I have climbed down cliffs and the ladders of high dives- in front of dozens of people. The falling is never worth it, taking the laughter and embarrassment is an easy alternative.

So when I read this verse today, I gasped.

Luke 20:18
Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder.

Hold up. 
I'm supposed to fall? It is better to fall than to be stable?  
I remember a song from years back,
 I don't know if it's a kid song, or if it is just from the '90s so it sounds kiddish.
"you better fall on the rock, or the rock's gonna fall on you" 
I had no idea what that meant when I sang it and I still think it's a funny song. 
But as I've been mulling over this verse, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea.

I could talk for miles and miles about the ridiculous expectations put on modern women to be strong, individualistic, and independent. And I could talk for another couple hundred miles about how much I love having a husband, family, and friends to lean on. The key here is lean on, not fall apart on- that is never fun. 

Pious it may sound, but I don't like falling apart on God much either. I'd rather be...marching forth into a great battle. No, I hate gore... Just let me be something more stable, more deserving, more honoring. 

But some days I just need to fall. Not because of emotional unbalance [though that does occur on occasion]. The reason I most often need to fall on the rock, is because of how easy it is to think that I am the tougher substance, and that I can keep things together on my own. And the thing about this type of falling- it actually feels good. 
[You don't have to try and convince me, I've tried both, and I hate the other kind.]

I have a little bit of prose I wrote a few years back when the Mr. and I were just a couple of fools in love. I already shared it here, if you'd care to read.

I hope you will join me in the letting go and falling.
It really is better this way.